Thursday, July 31


I'm helping Little and Tugs move today. This is what I get for not having a 9 to 5 job. I am also keenly aware that the favor will never be returned. Not that they wouldn't willing do so because they are both kind and generous people. But I have absolutely no desire to move. I have no need to move. Maybe I'll just have them come over one day and move furniture up and down the stairs. Or do yard work. Man, do ever need to do work on the backyard.

Here's the other thing: When asking your friends to help you move, don't make it sound like it will be fun. Or try to entice me with beer and pizza. Yeah, yeah. You say it will be good beer and good pizza. You know what? I don't care. I can get beer and pizza pretty darn easy. If I'm helping you move, it's because I care about you and want to help your life go smoother. And certainly don't try the "You'll have first dibs on the stuff we aren't taking." That's just saying "Hey, you lie garbage, right?" (Although I often score something special every time I help people move.)

Other tips:
• Be fucking packed before your friends show up.
• Books go in small boxes, no bigger than a banker's box or milk crate.
• Learn to pack a truck. It's just like Tetris. It's not hard.
• Big stuff first.
• Don't apologize for all of your crap.
• Don't get defensive when I mock your crap.
• It is not okay the break out the bull whip and sing "Where there's a whip, there's a way."* Yeah, it's funny once.

* I used to love this song. I had the album and would play that one song over and over, sing along. I have no idea what my parents made of that.