Humph.

Good class today. We got a tiny bit chastised for not having 'fun.' Valid point. We are all getting in our heads. But we are moving on to doing more Harolds now. I think that will help.

Reading through others' blogs tonight. Made me a bit sad. I returned to one that always brings me pain. It is a beautiful place, with a beautiful eye and a beautiful voice. But it always reminds me of those things that I have shut myself off from. What have I denied myself because of my own imbalances.

The fact is that I am an idiot. Yep. An idiot. But I am also selfish and quiet and shielded. And inconsistent. My knowledge and wisdom are no match for me heart and desires... so I have put those off into tiny boxes. Which is so not healthy.

The fact is that I have been happy as of late... but I am so frackin' scared of hurting people that it is going to be extremely hard to bring people in close again. I'm not scared of being hurt myself (well, of course I am), but I really don't want to crack someone else's life again.

Because the fact is that I am a brilliant liar. Especially to myself. And it would be so easy to slip into a groove of someone's arms and life. And I can't do that again. Not now at least.

I am very selfish about my own time right now. I am laughing a lot more now. I forget I time when I've laughed this much.

Humph.

Gears of War. w00t.

So I went to that Texas Chainsaw/Gears of War event at Lincoln Center in NYC. No photos (unless you want to see the snazzy GoW t-shirt they gave use... or the less snazzy 360 cap. (I didn't take the proffered 360 cheap ballpoint pen)).

My thoughts?
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is not a good movie. Not a horrible one but not good. R. Lee Ermey was very entertaining. But I wasn't there for the flick. My quick poll of the audience leads me to believe 6 out 7 weren't there for the movie.

Gears of War: Pretty darn amazing. Not ground-shaking-OMGBBQ amazing, but really really fun. First we watched one of the developers play the first level of single-player. Or at least part of it. Pretty pretty pretty. One the movie screen at least it looked next-gen, not just shinier current-gen. (By the way, when does next-gen stop being next-gen and becomes current-gen and current-gen becomes vintage?)

But getting my sweaty palm on some multiplayer was so so good. They had two games of 4-on-4 deathmatch, first team to three rounds. Not a lot of time but enough to end my fears. See, I usually have a really hard time at 3rd person games. I have a hard time playing GTA for jebus' sake. But it is so tight over the shoulder that it's not an issue.

Also, you don't spend a whole lot of time running and shooting at the same time. When they kept saying it was all about cover, they meant it. You'll be riding the A button a lot. A button to crouch-run. A button to take cover. A button to hurdle obstruction. Works amazingly well. The only problem is when you're trying to cover a lot ground through an area with a lot of cover spots. But I learned within minutes how to dash from cover to cover quickly.

The game play feels fast and furious but a lot more strategic than, say, Halo 2 (to compare apples to something that is not an apple). Because cover is so important, flanking is vital. My team (of folks I hadn't said a word to until we sat down in front of the screens) quickly started to work together, sending two players down the middle and the other two sneaking up along from opposite sides. Catching the other team in a three-direction crossfire was immensely satisfying.

But not as satisfying as the chainsaw. It is really a last ditch weapon (as charging in the open was a quick way to die), but when you get up in the enemy's face and rev that sucker up? Slam it into their shoulder, splattering the screen with think blood? Heaven. Pure gaming heaven.

I don't say this lightly but.... woot. Woot, indeed.

Practice, practice, practice

We have a "practice group" set up for our improv group today. I'm very excited but unsure how many folks are actually going to be there. Hope we get at least five. I get very intense in class, trying to absorb every little nugget of knowledge. Today I want to play. Characters! I need to play characters! Perhaps I will play a sea captain/pimp today. Pimps at Sea! (If you know what I am referencing, you are officially a nerd. Go nerds!)

After class it is another recording session for The Terrible Red Show podcast. Looks like we're going to get more actors which is good. I wrote half a dozen or so sketches this week but not all that many on topic ("School"). I also have no idea if any of them are funny. There's a dueling one I like, but definitely not on theme. We shall see if any of them make the cut. Luckily my ego isn't tied to them so I'm not concerned.

On that topic, go to the TRS forums and vote for next weeks theme. If you vote for "Obligation," the dueling sketch might get on.