Countdown to V-Day: I've been on both ends of this stick (w/ obvious gender changes)

Narcissus by Alanis Morrissette

Dear mommas boy I know you've had your butt licked by your mother
I know youve enjoyed all that attention from her
And every woman graced with your presence after
Dear narcissus boy I know you've never really apologized for anything
I know you've never really taken responsibility
I know you've never really listened to a woman

Dear me-show boy I know youre not really into conflict resolution
Or seeing both sides of every equation
Or having an uninterrupted conversation

And any talk of healthiness
And any talk of connectedness
And any talk of resolving this
Leaves you running for the door

(why why do I try to love you
try to love you when you really don't want me to)

Dear egotist boy you've never really had to suffer any consequence
You've never stayed with anyone longer than ten minutes
You'd never understand anyone showing resistance
Dear popular boy I know you're used to getting everything so easily
A stranger to the concept of reciprocity
People honor boys like you in this society

And any talk of selflessness
And any talk of working at this
And any talk of being of service
Leaves you running for the door

(why why do I try to help you try to help you
when you really don't want me to)

You go back to the women who will dance the dance
You go back to your friends who will lick your ass
You go back to ignoring all the rest of us
You go back to the center of your universe

Dear self centered boy I don't know why I still feel affected by you
I've never lasted very long with someone like you
I never did although I have to admit I wanted to
Dear magnetic boy you've never been with anyone who doesn't take your shit
You've never been with anyone who's dared to call you on it
I wonder how you'd be if someone were to call you on it

And any talk of willingness
And any talk of both feet in
And any talk of commitment
Leaves you running for the door

(why why do I try to change you try to
Try to change you when you really dont
Want me to)

You go back to the women who will dance the dance
You go back to your friends who will lick your ass
You go back to being so oblivious
You go back to the center of the universe

Rise of the Thank You, Robot

You already know about next Friday's Thank You, Robot opening for Tantrum and fwand (Under St. Marks, 10:30pm, $6). But did you know that they will be performing with the wonderful women of Bombardo on Febuary 23rd? Gotham City Improv. 10pm. $5.

What that does mean is that I probably should have seen The Stepfathers last night. Now I won't be able to see Silvija Ozols pay with them. Ah well. But I needed the rest. It was a well derserved on last night.

I am going to now get up out of bed, put on some clothes, and have a eggs and toast and bacon. And then clean the house.

(Yes, I'm now one song back. Luckily for me The Smirking Valet posted one in my comments section last night at 11:47pm. Nice to know someone has my back.)

Waltz (Better Than Fine) by Fiona Apple

If you don't have a song
To sing you're okay
You know how to get along
Humming
Hmmm

If you don't have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
'Cause it's just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore

No I don't believe in the wasting of time,
But I don't believe that I'm wasting mine

If you don't have a point to make
Don't sweat it
You'll make a sharp one being so kind
And I'd sure appreciate it
Everyone else's goal's to get big headed
Why should I follow that beat being that I'm
Better than fine

Countdown to V-Day: Breaking

Window by Fiona Apple

I was staring out the window
The whole time he was talking to me
It was a filthy pane of glass
I couldn't get a clear view

As he went on and on
It wasn't the outside world I could see
Just the filthy pane that I was looking through

So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me

I was never focused on just one thing
My eyes got fixed when my mind got soft
It may looked like I'm concentrated on a very clear view

But I'm as good as asleep
I bet you didn't know
It takes a lot of it away if you do

So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me

So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me

Because the fact in fact
Whatever's in front of me is covering my view
So I can't see what I'm seeing in fact
I only see what I'm looking through

I had to break the window
It just had to be it was in my way
Better that I break the window
Then forget what I had to say

So again I've done the right thing
I was never worried about that
The answer's always been in clear view
But even when the window's clean
I still can't see for the fact
That when it's clean it's so clear
I can't tell what I'm looking through

So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me

I had to break the window
It just had to be it was in my way
Better that I break the window
Then forget what I had to say

I had to break the window
It was in my way
Better that I break a window
Then forget what I had to say

Or miss what I should see
Or breaking him or her or me

Stuff I've Seen

First, I know the second and third and fourth parts of my Idiotarod observations are way way late. They are still coming. I have just been plowing hard into my new novel. I caught the wind and once I do it is hard for me to focus on much else.

I have been working on a large Idiotarod project that the vast majority will never see. I'm proud of it and I hope it is appreciated. It has been a great way to think about the entire thing. Sorry I can't go into it right now. (Doesn't really matter since you'll never see it.)

As I mentioned before, I saw a mass load of improv this week.

On Saturday I had my class show but I already mentioned that. I tried to see Asssscat 3000 on Sunday, but after waiting in line for over an hour in the icy winter air, they cancelled the 9:30 show. But I also talked about that.

On Monday I saw the sketch shows Making Lemonade and KROMPF: The Ol' Factory. A very very small audience which can kill many a show. But both were good. Making Lemonade is a fairly standard one man show. Five characters, one messed up family. Nothing too ground breaking but well done. KROMPF is of course on of my big improv crushes, so I was very interested in seeing their sketch. Even with the small audience, I still laughed hysterically. Part of that is that they are just my type of comedy. Very much the Kids In A Hall melancholy/absurdity. I think my only regret is that I would love to see them explore characters more, but that would basically require they be given an hour show. Anthony King, give KROMPF a full hour. Anyway, go see it. You probably won't like it as much as I do, because it is hard for me imagining that anyone could.

Tuesday I went to Harold Night, as I often do. UCB has joined the usual two Harold Night shows, allowing them to include a fifth team each Tuesday. I hope it stays (although it ended at 10:57 this week so it might just be to tight). It was a good night. Creep impressed me. I just love their playfulness. Watching them is a bit like the joy of watching children play. That my sound like an insult, but far from it. Fwand, of course, awed me. Of all the Harold teams right now, they are doing the most exciting stuff. Watch their transitions. Their seamless version of the Harold is just gorgeous. I am very very happy that Thank You, Robot is opening for them and Tantrum on Feb. 16th. You remember that right? Under St. Marks. 10:30pm. See my first non-class improv show EVER. There is only one first.

Tonight I am off to see Gravid Water. Everyone is sick and tired of me talking about that show so I won't. But it is definitely the most overlooked show at UCB right now. I may stay for Cage Match.

I thought long and hard about seeing The Stepfathers on Friday as it has been a long time and Silvija Ozols is playing with them all month. I can't go next week (Under St. Marks, 10:30pm, $6)... but I am oh, so close to improv overdose. I think I desperately need a night NOT going out. It has been too damn cold for all of these trips to Manhattan.

Next week will a non-improv week. Except Sunday. I have a class show to go watch (6 of the Thank You, Robot folks). Maybe Harold Night on Tuesday.

Class

My improv class was fun last night. Yet another struggle, but fun. We worked on monoscenes last night. Think of it as a continous scene in one unchanging location in real time. I think I really got it by the end. I'm still not being funny... but I am locking very well onto the idea of a having a solid point of view. When I do that, I stop thinking of all the rest of it and just commit to the character. Now the problem may be that I'm just not that funny. Maybe that will come. But I'm much happier with me playing "true" and not funny than "funny" and not true.

In the rest of the world I am having diffculty being classy. I pulled it off for a week and then I just stopped. I'm just not classy, I guess. I don't know. I feel like I stumbled into a bunch of webs and I tried to stand there and look cool. "What? I have spiderwebs in my hair? No biggie. I'm cooool." But then I suddenly yelled, "My god! Get this crap off me! Get it off!" And I waved my arms in the air and ran around in circles for a few days.

Well, now the webs are off for the most part. I'm standing there, surrounded by broken webs, feeling a bit sheepish. Back to square one, I suppose.

Countdown to V-Day: Why do we seek those who can't return it?

Stacy's Mom by Fountains of Wayne

Stacy's mom has got it goin' on
Stacy's mom has got it goin' on
Stacy's mom has got it goin' on
Stacy's mom has got it goin' on

Stacy, can I come over after school? (after school)
We can hang around by the pool (hang by the pool)
Did your mom get back from her business trip? (business trip)
Is she there, or is she trying to give me the slip? (give me the slip)

You know, I'm not the little boy that I used to be
I'm all grown up now, baby can't you see

Stacy's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long
Stacy, can't you see you're just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Stacy's mom

Stacy's mom has got it goin' on
Stacy's mom has got it goin' on

Stacy, do you remember when I mowed your lawn? (mowed your lawn)
Your mom came out with just a towel on (towel on)
I could tell she liked me from the way she stared (the way she stared)
And the way she said, "You missed a spot over there" (a spot over there)

And I know that you think it's just a fantasy
But since your dad walked out, your mom could use a guy like me

Stacy's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I want, and I've waited so long
Stacy, can't you see you're just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong,
but I'm in love with Stacy's mom

Stacy's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long,
Stacy can't you see your just not the girl for me,
I know it might be wrong but oh oh
(I know it might be wrong)
I'm in love with (Stacy's mom oh oh)
(Stacy's mom oh oh)
I'm in love with Stacy's mom

Cookie O'Puss

Look, I grew up on the west coast. I have never seen the attraction of Carvel ice cream. In fact, I think it tastes kind of gross (at least compared to other ice creams). But since I moved to the east coast I have had to listen to a lot of "Carvel equals My Childhood" crap. And Cookie Puss pops up in these stories often.

I always thought Cookie Puss was some sort of cat. No. He is some sort or horrible nightmare of a being. And his Irish-accented cousin is worse.

Seriously, you east coasters are messed up.

(via Lurkia)

Countdown to V-Day: Try not to understand it

Love Is A Stranger by The Eurythmics

Love is a stranger
In an open car
To tempt you in
And drive you far away

And I want you
And I want you
And I want you so
Its an obsession

Love is a danger
Of a different kind
To take you away
And leave you far behind
And love love love
Is a dangerous drug
You have to receive it
And you still cant
Get enough of the stuff

Its savage and its cruel
And it shines like destruction
Comes in like the flood
And it seems like religion
Its noble and its brutal
It distorts and deranges
And it wrenches you up
And youre left like a zombie

And I want you
And I want you
And I want you so
Its an obsession

Its guilt edged
Glamorous and sleek by design
You know its jealous by nature
False and unkind
Its hard and restrained
And its totally cool
It touches and it teases
As you stumble in the debris

And I want you
And I want you
And I want you so
Its an obsession

I heart GypsyMaps

I've been waiting FOREVER for GoogleMaps to add subway/walking directions.
GypsyMaps got there first. And it is fantastic!

No bus routes yet, but they are supposed to be coming mid-year. Maybe I will finally figure out the NYC bus system.

Indexed

I've decided to add Indexed to my "What I Am Reading" list. It is just too much brilliance to not be seen by everyone.

Countdown to V-Day: Always in the wrong place

Ana Ng by They Might Be Giants

Make a hole with a gun perpendicular
To the name of this town in a desk-top globe
Exit wound in a foreign nation
Showing the home of the one this was written for
My apartment looks upside down from there
Water spirals the wrong way out the sink
And her voice is a backwards record
It's like a whirlpool and it never ends

Ana Ng and I are getting old
And we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence
Listen Ana hear my words
They're the ones you would think I would say if there was a me for you

All alone at the '64 World's Fair
Eighty dolls yelling "Small girl after all"
Who was at the Dupont Pavilion?
Why was the bench still warm? Who had been there?
Or the time when the storm tangled up the wire
To the horn on the pole at the bus depot
And in the back of the edge of hearing
These are the words the voice was repeating:

Ana Ng and I are getting old
And we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence
Listen Ana hear my words
They're the ones you would think I would say if there was a me for you

When I was driving once I saw this painted on a bridge:
"I don't want the world, I just want your half"

They don't need me here, and I know you're there (don't need me)
Where the world goes by like the humid air (world goes by)
And it sticks like a broken record
Everything sticks like a broken record
Everything sticks until it goes away (it goes home)
And the truth is, we don't know anything (don't know)

Ana Ng and I are getting old
And we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence
Listen Ana hear my words
They're the ones you would think I would say if there was a me for you

Ana Ng and I are getting old
And we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence
Listen Ana hear my words
They're the ones you would think I would say if there was a me for you

Ana Ng and I are getting old
And we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence
Listen Ana hear my words
They're the ones you would think I would say if there was a me for you

Whedon off Wonder Woman

So sad. I'm still not sure Joss Whedon can make single movies, but is so darn good at serial plots. For me he is a master at the multipart story arc. But I really wanted to see him try.
(photo is of the fakeworkgirls Idiotarod racing team)

No more wining

Ah! A bad pun!

I had that tiny rant about the person who pulled a bottle of Showket off the rack and opened it at the pre-Idiotarod party. Part of the reason I was a bit miffed was that some house guests back in November (wonderful house guests that I love and adore and would deny nothing to), decided to have wine one night and pulled the same bottle off the rack. The one from the Idiotarod was a replacement.

PapaSix, it his infinite generosity, called the winery and found out they only had six bottles left. I assumed he was sending me one. Today I received all six bottles. There is something thrilling about getting the last six bottles from a winery.

In related news, there is still a bottle mystery out there. On the day after the pre-Idiotarod party, right after discovering the partially drunk bottle of Showket, I discovered a bottle of Prager port on the counter. Now what is weird about it is that there was a mini-controversy in my home not a week before involving a bottle a Prager port. There was a catered dinner party and PapaSix, again in his infinite generosity, gave the bottle of Prager he had brought to the caterer. Some people at the party (okay, just one person) took joking offense that PapaSix had given the bottle away.

So having a bottle appear on the counter was a bit odd. I though it might have been my house guest (the one who had been upset about it), perhaps as a "have a good race" gift. But when I finally got a chance to talk to her about it, she denied it.

That leaves me with three conclusions: (1) Team COBRA has some very generous kind people on it; (2) Team COBRA has some people with some very good taste; and (3) fate/coincidence is sometimes totally bizarre.

Things I Learned Yesterday

• In the short term, New York can mess with your mind.
• I'm still in a slump, but I see a path up. I think.
• JB's English Adventurer is my new bestest friend.
• "Fagstronaut" is an under used word.
• In the long term, New York will mess with your mind.
• I just don't feel funny lately.
• I don't even care about the Superbowl ads anymore.
• I can dress so that I can comfortably sit on the sidewalk in the freezing could for and hour and a half.
• ASSSSCAT sometimes cancels 9:30 performances.
• There are only so many times you can invite someone in before you just give up.
• Warm sake is the perfect cold night drink.
• Warm sake is not the best wallowing drink.
• The best photographers on Flickr are possessive.
• Some people just aren't going to be happy.
• Don't write checks your heart can't cash.

Countdown to V-Day: Hey! Look at me!

Extraordinary by Liz Phair

You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me

Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?

So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess

See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho

Morphine makes the Hootie known. Uncle. Lima.

Whenever I feel blue there is one, thing that cheers me up:
The forgeign language Ducktales theme song sing-a-long YTMND.
Your school's stupid, indeed.