Saturday, January 20

This is definitely one of those times that I should probably not blog. Let us take that as a given.

Tonight was very curious, as is any time I get to spend time with my 'rents and their friends. The realization that the divide of time between us has become minute, almost negligible, is a hard concept to grasp. I am unclear at what the difference between 35 and 65 is any more. Maybe there is nothing.

Wisdom is such a strange thing. I am fully aware that I have none or little. But I was realize that I am an expert at processing the wisdom of others. I can, with little thought, restate, clarify, calcify the words of others.

I have, for the first time in my life, realized that I have a huge amount of strength. That seems insane to me, as I often feel so weak and confused. But tonight it suddenly became clear that EVERYONE feels that way, and that I am, in my own messed up way, more on a path than so many others. And I now know that my own knowledge of theat path gives me a huge amount of control.

I can clearly see half a dozen very clear roads before me. Each has an intriguing aspect. Some roads intersect with others, bu t with distinct secondary players. And the fact is that I am somewhat torn. I am insanely curious, but I know that to open some doors closes off others.

But, for the first time in my life,. I can see all of the doors, and I get to consciously choose which door to pass through. And that gives me a huge amount of control... control that I am somewhat uncomfortable with.