Friday, April 17

This Is How The World Ends #5

"Oh shit.  Oh shit.  Oh shit.  Did it seal?  Did the door seal?"

"Yes.  Green lights.  We're safe.  My god, we're safe."

"I can't believe they did it.  Nuclear war.  Fucking nuclear war!  Who do you think it was?  Terrorist?  China?"

"I don't know.  Doesn't matter now, does it?  The President said it was a full scale strike.  But we're safe in here.  See?  I told you that this bomb shelter was going to safe us someday."

"Thank god we built it.  How long now?"

"If the television was right, the missiles should hit in 4 minutes?"

"And we thought of everything, right?  I mean, we're prepared, right?"

"Yes!  We checked the list a dozen times!"

"Because I'll be damned if I'm going to become some sort of ironic story!  No way in hell did we go through all of that to then discover we don't have a can opener."

"We have can opener."

"You sure?  You didn't leave it upstairs on the counter, did you?  That would totally be something that would happen."

"No.  We have it."

"Show me it.  I need to see it.  It's not electric, is it?  Because if the power goes out and we can't use it–"

"If the generator goes out and the backup generator goes out and the batteries all fail, we die anyway because the air scrubbers won't work.  See?  Here it is.  A normal can opener."

"What if it breaks? "

"See this box?  Two dozen can openers.  We're fine.  There is no chance that we are going to end up some horrible story were we have all these cans of food but no damn can opener... wait... um..."


"Well, don't get mad..."


"I forgot the cans."