How I spend my evenings

I started taking improv classes recently. It's been eons since I have flexed my performance muscles and it feels so frackin' fantastic to get up infront of people again. I remember that one of the reasons I stopped performing was that I spoke too quickly and slurred my words. But it seems that I am getting slower in my old age.

So part of the deal with the classes is that we're supposed to see as much improv as we can. Well, I can see a lot. And I have seen a lot. Tons and tons of improv. What is enjoyable about seeing shows at UCB is that a lot of the erformers are on different teams. You can get to know their personal styles and then watcvh how it fies into different groups. What it does do is make me want to play. Man, do i ever want to play.

So many evenings go like this for me. Head to the Tea Lounge with the computer and the novel and work on editing for a couple of hours. Then I head to UCB and continue editing between shows. Then I come home. Not thrilling, I realize. But it gets me out of the house.

Last night I got to see Lonesome Jack, which was of course fantastic and to short, but that mattered little since I had to get to UCB to see Death By RooRoo. But something occured to me while watching the show. I'm not even sure I want to discuss it as it brings up thorny issues. But I am working realy hard with being honest with myself and others.

Anyway, here's the deal: Why do I find myself attracted to almost every woman I see on stage? Okay, that's a big exaggeration, but there is truth to it. I am absolutely at a point in my life where I cannot be involved with anyone. It is such a firm belief of mine right now that I tend not to respond to anyone. But then I see a someone on stage, in the moment, and it just gets me. Deep in the stomach. Most often it is women who play unusual instruments. Seriously, I have no idea why this is the case. It has happened at UCB a couple of times, but it is less consistent. At UCB, I get turned on (for lack of a better word) when a woman does tha perfect scene, when see is absolutely in the moment and hits just the right tone. And then, when she steps out of the scene, when she steps to the back wall, and I watch that grin, that joy, of what she just created... seriously, I am pretty sure there is nothing hotter.

Now, what bugs me is that this low level/short term infutation is based on nothing but a performance that they are givingthe entire audience. It's not for me, but there is that back part of my brain that reads it as such. Without trying to creep out anyone who might read this, I see that playful glimmer in a certain flutist's eyes as she is singing, and my stomache goes all a flitter as if it were directed at me. I realize that this is the power of perfortmance/fame. I just like to think I am immune to that sort of thing. But, lately...

I suppose that right now it is a safe way for me to feel physicial and emotional attraction without having to get anywhere near the actually having a relationship. Which of course makes me sad. I wish I could just turn that off and just not feel the desire for companionship. But of course I can't.

The only other potential news right now is that I have applied to be in "Project: Improviser." It will be a weekly America's Next Top Model Chief Idol thing at UCB starting in June. 8 performers, each week one will get cut. There will also be web episodes. Very very slim chance I'll get picked, but I sent in my info and my old Survivor Application video and we'll see. I should hear next weekend. send good thoughts my way.